Men and women may speak the same language but their brains are wired completely different. Conversely, men and dogs, being simple straightforward creatures of habit, are quite similar. For example, both can be domesticated by rewarding the desired behavior. For most men, rewards come down to food, sex, and lying around on the couch watching TV. Give us what we want and we’re happy.
This may sound a little taboo, but it’s actually the premise of my new novel
Dog Training the American Male, (WJM Books/A&M Publishing LLC). It’s the story of a relationship counselor who can’t seem to make her own relationships work; that is, until she discovers that the techniques used to train her boyfriend’s dog can also be used to train her boyfriend.
With the zaniness of the Trump campaign lately, it got me thinking. What if Trump could be disciplined using dog-training methods? (For the record, I was a Bernie supporter. The guy was a lovable mutt. Sadly, mutts are forbidden to win “Best in Show.”)
But back to Trump. Although he snorts like a bulldog, I see Trump as more of a chow chow—the wild orange hair, the nasty disposition. The problem is that he’s been the alpha dog all his life, which is why he listens to no one. As a billionaire, he’s lived in a spoiled, isolated existence where he hasn’t worn a leash for fifty years; as a result, he now lacks all social restraints. Enter his domain and it’s no holds barred. He’s liable to bark, growl, wag his tail, shove his nose in your groin, hump your leg. Look at him during the second debate—he was all over the stage, snorting and sniffing like he was looking for a place to pee when he should have been placed in a sit-and-stay position.
Instead of surrounding himself with YES MEN, Trump needs to appoint trainers who are not afraid to set him straight. Since that’s most likely not going to happen before the election is over, I’d skip leash training and go straight to the electric shock collar. If he strays past his chair…ZAP him!
Now, can dog training could work on Hillary Clinton? Not at all. While dogs have a pack mentality, women are more like cats. Ever try to herd cats? It’s chaos. However, if Hillary does win the White House, I have one suggestion – have Bill neutered. If she had done that sixteen years ago, Gore would have been president, we would have never invaded Iraq, and ISIS wouldn’t exist.
About the Author:
Many know L.A. Knight as the first pup born to a litter of four, who managed to escape from several disobedient schools in Philadelphia and then relocated to South Florida where he went into heat over a gorgeous poodle. In reality, L.A. Knight is the pseudonym for NY Times best-selling author Steve Alten, who penned 16 thrillers—one of which, Meg, is being made into a Warner Bros. movie to be released in 2018. Knight penned Dog Training the American Male as a means of dealing with the sorrow of his father’s passing. The initials L.A. are his Dad’s initials, the KNIGHT signifying his father’s role in their family—a “knight in shining armor.” A portion of the proceeds from Dog Training the American Male will be donated to Paws4Liberty.
Dog Training the American Male is available via Amazon and bookstores nationwide.
Find out more about L.A. Knight here .